...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
