Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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