Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
