You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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