Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
