I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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