Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
did i walk over a car last night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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