we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
