He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
