A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
