apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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