guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize