the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
that may or may not have been my penis.
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