I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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