I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
