Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
