I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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