why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My penis needs a shock collar
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
