So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Less talking, more tequila
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
