I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
this just has baby written all over it
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
