I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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