Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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