Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
