I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize