But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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