I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
