he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
