The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
