I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
