Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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