In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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