Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
