And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
