Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
