Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
