Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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