Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
did you just send me my own nude
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
