Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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