It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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