You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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