No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
