I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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