Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
