I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
True college students do jello shots in the library
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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