I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
