Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
