who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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