I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
