Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
