i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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