so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Mom said you looked used
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
