She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
