She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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