I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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