Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
