whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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