I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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