We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
