white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
