ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
