Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
