I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
