They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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