Apparently you make a good broom.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
