Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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