You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
