You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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