a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
