he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
