Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
