you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
