so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
