your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
