There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
