Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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