And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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