Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you're hired as official boob wrangler
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
