I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
