I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize