I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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