i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
