whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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