i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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