i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
