we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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