you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
