i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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