I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm both gender and math confused
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
