I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
