The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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