Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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