I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
