My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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