nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
