last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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